Parenting...A Look Back

These are my children...and I wonder sometimes how they ever survived! Seriously, I was so unprepared and young when I had them that I wasn't much more than a child myself.

I was a person who was hurt as a child. Call it abuse or ignorance or anything you like...I was damaged. And I was totally unprepared for parenthood. Yet my children have been and continue to be my greatest JOY in this life!

If I were able to live a thousand years, nothing would be sweeter to me than the feel of my baby girl and my baby boy laying in my arms. It is a memory so vivid that I can still smell the sweetness of their breath on my face.

But I was a nervous and fussy mother. I was often depressed in those days. I was impatient and unable to cope many days. I fear I was not a very good mother. But oh, how I loved them...my sweet girl and my precious boy! They kept me alive!

I had days when I didn't think I could get out of bed in the morning. But my children needed me...so I got up and did the best I could that day. Children shouldn't have to bear the burden of their parents' damaged childhood. But they so often do...and that isn't fair.

My children kept me going. They gave me a reason to live when I didn't seem to see anything else good in my life. I look back and wish that I could do it all over again...and do a better job as a mother.

I guess everyone looks back and wishes they could do things over...do it better. I think that is a normal human reaction at my age. I have lived fifty two years, and the greatest thing I have ever done is to be a mother to two of the most amazing people I have ever known.

I wasn't a very good mother in theory....but, oh how I loved my girl and my boy! They were never unloved...they were my life...and continue to be at the heart of everything I think and do.

I love you, Lisa. I love you Wes. Your love will go with me into the darkness. Your love will light my way...as it always has.