Catching Up

I spent the month of July in Pryor with Sam and I am behind on my Blog reading and writing. So I will be playing catch up for the next few days. I certainly did miss my computer but there was no Internet in the little RV park we were in.

Now that I'm back home, I am catching up on some errands...paying bills, taking my van in for some work, seeing friends and relatives, etc. I am enjoying "puttering" around the house. It is very relaxing.

The actual temperature today was 105 degrees here! I went out around 3 o'clock to water the chickens and saw that 4 of them were out of the pen. Not sure how they are getting out but Dickens (our 11 year old Brussels Griffon pictured above, and yes, his tongue does hang out like that all the time) was able to run all of them back in but one. It's just so hot here that we couldn't stay out too long chasing chickens...so that last hen is on her own for now.

I wonder about those chickens...they are smart enough to get out of the pen when the gate is closed, but not smart enough to go back in when the gate is open! Even with Dickens herding them they ran right past the open door...silly biddies. They also haven't started laying any eggs yet. If I were to put an empty KFC bucket in the pen, do you think they would get the message?

To my Blogger friends, I will be stopping by your Blogs soon to catch up on all your news. Until then, happy typing and...((Hugs))

So Much To Report!

Sam is back to work! Whoopee!!!

And I am here at home taking care of the garden and our pets. Sam's company is sending him to Canada to install a conveyor line at a Gatorade plant there...but I won't be going with him on this trip.

I will stay home with our 3 dogs, 1 cat, our cockatiel, and 9 chickens, to keep the home fires burning. And I hate it that I can't go with my hubby!! Oh well...we do what we have to in this life, don't we.

Connor is doing well. He is fighting his battle with Leukemia bravely! After the first bone marrow transplant didn't work, we were a bit terrified!!

But the second transplant has all the indications of being a success!! And we thank God for that!!

Hang in there, Con-Man! We love you!!

This photograph is of our cockatiel, "Jodie-Bird". She loves to "help" me when I am on the computer. She is fascinated by the keyboard and my typing. Crazy bird!... I just love her!!

Late Night Ramblings

It's so HOT and humid here in June and July! Oklahoma has some extremes in weather conditions. We had a snow storm on the first day of Spring this year, and of course, there are the tornadoes to contend with almost year round.

But I can't complain about the heat...I am definitely a summer person! The feel of the warm sun on my skin is like a life giving force to me.

My roses are blooming again...they are so beautiful and fragrant. Sometimes it's the simple things that make life special.

Hubby has been told by his company that he will be getting some work soon. That is a relief! He has never been laid off for this long before. My job search continues but, so far, no luck. I am thinking about going back into nursing.

My birthday was spent quietly with Sam (my Hubby) watching movies and eating comfort foods. I am happy to be another year older. Life is so sweet!

Father's Day was sad for me. We lost our Dad to cancer several years ago. I always wish that I could see my Dad just one more time and tell him that I love him. There never seems to be enough time to know and love people enough, does there?

Two days before Sam and I married, my Dad was sitting with me at the dining room table and he said something to me that I've never forgotten. He said, "Life isn't all sunshine and roses,"

Of course, being a teenager, I just rolled my eyes and thought, "okay, Dad, whatever." But Dad was right. Life isn't all sunshine and roses. I found that out very quickly.

Still, I have planted rose bushes in the garden/yard of every home we have had in the last 35 years.

I can't control the sunshine...but I can have the roses!

Thank you, God, for the roses.

My 53rd Birthday Tomorrow...Can I Sleep Peacefully?

My grand daughter is pictured here, sleeping peacefully, on a recent family camp out...so lovely! Do you remember what it was like to fall asleep so easily? I do! Oh, how I miss that! I will have my 53rd birthday tomorrow...will I sleep this peacefully tonight?


I will officially be 53 years old tomorrow. (Yikes!) My blog is a running commentary on the fifth decade of my life, so I apologize ahead of time for my ramblings, but I can't help myself!

I married young, just 2 weeks short of my 18th birthday. We were just kids and didn't know anything except that we loved each other. So we proceeded to make a home together and have a family. We had no money and were quite naive and immature...

...yet, here we are, 35 years later, and still happy together. We have 2 children and 4 grand children and they are my delight and joy!

I have made a lot of mistakes in my 53 years. Some of them have been minor and others will haunt me until the day I die. But that's life. Oh, I never killed anyone or anything like that...but I am harder on myself, in judgement, than anyone else would be. Why is that?

When we have done the best we know how to do, often we still look back and think, "I could have done better."

When I was a little girl, I never thought of anything so deep or involved as these thoughts that run through my adult mind. My greatest worry as a child was the weather...if it rained, I knew I couldn't go out and play...and that was bad.

I remember going to bed at night, falling asleep so immediately that I wasn't aware of the process, and waking up in the morning, fully rested, thinking that I had only closed my eyes a minute ago...remember that?

As an adult, I often toss and turn, unable to sleep when there are so many things crowding my mind.

I continue to watch the weather every night to see if I can "go out and play". (Seriously, I do! I still love being outdoors.)

And I watch my lovely grand daughter fall asleep with such innocent ease that it makes me smile...and I sleep better...because it reminds me of how it felt (once upon a time) to close my eyes and truly rest...with no thought of what tomorrow might bring.

I am 53 years old tomorrow and I thank God for every blessing, experience, trial and year of my life! "No man is an island."...and it has been my great privilege to be surrounded by wonderful people who have helped me along the way.

I think I will sleep well tonight. I will sleep well because after 53 years of living I can say I have done all I know to do to be a good person.

My mistakes have taught me so much. And my blessings have made me thankful for what I have....and so my 5th decade continues...God bless you, my friends and sleep well.

Wedding Anniversary Number 35 Today!

This is my sweetheart of 35 years...Sam! I can not believe we have been married that long. But the evidence is there. Two great kids and four perfect grandkids, as well as a ton of memories.

We went to an informal get-together last night at our friend's house, and one of my girlfriends asked me, "How could you stand to be married to the same man for 35 years?" I thought about it for a second and then told her that I guess Sam and I were just lucky...lucky to love each other as much as we do, lucky that we like each other so much, and lucky that we made it through the tough years without giving up.

She wanted to know if I have been happy and I was glad I could answer "Yes, but not every second!" She didn't seem to get that. So I will tell you what I told her...

In 35 years a lot of stuff happens, life happens! Some things are good and some are not so great. But we loved each other enough that we wanted a life together, so we fought for that life...and often fought with each other in the process. But we never fought without respect...and we never forgot what was important.

Okay, maybe luck doesn't have as much to do with a long and successful marriage as plain hard work does. But I WAS lucky enough to marry a very sweet, caring man.

So, thank you Sam, for loving me for 35 years. It has been quite a ride!

Connor at Texas Transplant Institute

Connor has been in San Antonio, Texas at the Texas Transplant Institute for almost a week now...and he is doing very well. But things will get harder for him from here on.

So far Connor has gone through some routine tests and has been "marked" for the radiation treatments he will need in preparation for the transplant. He has also been found to be an acceptable candidate for the double donor transplant study. This greatly increases his chances of permanent remission!

Let me explain...instead of receiving cells from only one donor, Connor will be getting cells from 2 different donors. These cells will be taken from umbilical cord blood that has been clamped and separated after delivery. Two sources will be used. This allows one source to become the dominate cells effectively defeating the other set of cells. That means survival of the dominate cells...and success for Connor!!

Connor had one bad moment this week. The radiology department made a cast of Connor's face and constructed a mask for him to wear during radiation therapy. So it came time for the first radiation treatment and the mask was placed over his face. Now Connor is used to the way things are done at Arkansas Children's Hospital...slowly and with every step explained to him. So when the radiology team moved more quickly and with less explanations at TTI, it scared him when they placed the mask over his face for the first time. But the technicians were quite understanding...they took the mask off, talked to him, and when Connor was ready, they resumed the treatment.

And, of course, Connor came through with flying colors!!

There is a long and painful road ahead before Connor will be well. The worst and most dreaded part of the treatment will be the chemotherapy that will virtually destroy his immune system. It is going to be a very grueling road for an eight year old boy to travel.

But the transplant is scheduled for the second week in June and I know Connor will go through it as he has all of the last two years...like the brave warrior that he is!

I have to take a moment to thank everyone who has given time, money, emotional support and prayers for Connor. Thank you all so much. God bless you! And God bless Connor and all the children who are battling this insidious disease tonight!!

My Amazing Mom!

I can not begin to tell you how much my Mom means to me, to all of us, so I will just say this...

My Mom is amazing! And she always has been! That's her in the dark blue dress with me and 4 of my brothers and sisters. (Two of my sisters couldn't be with us on this day because one was ill and the other had to work.) But five of us showed up to attend church with Mom on Mother's Day this year.

My Mom is one of the strongest, most loving and forgiving people I know and for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be just like her. But she is so much better than me in every way!

Mom is 74 years old and runs her own business. She is tireless and can work circles around me. Yet she is never too tired to do whatever her children need done. She has spent her life working for others and is the most unselfish person I have ever known.

She drives around in a red, half ton, Chevrolet pickup taking her dogs to the vet or running kids and grand kids (and great grand kids!) wherever they need to go. She does the work of three people in one, keeping her Kennel up to date and making sure everything is as it should be for her dogs (because that is her second love, next to her family.)

This woman can set you straight in a heartbeat if you get out of line! And all the time she is letting you have it, you are thanking God that she loves you enough to talk straight with you.

Life has made Mom tough...but never hard. And that is a miracle when you consider all she has gone through over the years! You see there is a difference in being a tough person and being a hard person. "Tough" is what you have to be to withstand personal hardships...but "hard" is what many people allow the trials in life to make them, hard and bitter...and there is no hardness or bitterness in my Mom.

At the age of 74 she is as loving and lighthearted as a young "20-something" woman. Her sense of humor cracks me up sometimes! We have so much fun when we are at Mom's house! I love to go "home" when I feel down because she always makes me feel better.

As you can imagine, there are so many things I could tell you about my Mom that would give you greater insight and appreciation into her character and life. But I would just like to say, that if I can be even half the person she is, I will be satisfied.

I am in my 5th decade but she is living her 7th decade...and that is wonderful! Why? Because she is truly LIVING it!

I pray God will grant us many more years with Mom because we all love and need her so very much.

So..."ROCK ON", Mom!! (And I know you won't be doing that in a rocking chair!) We love you!

"Old" Lady Seeks Gainful Employment

As most of you know, my husband has been out of work since February 1st. His unemployment is adequate but can not last forever. And here in Oklahoma, there are no more extensions being given for those out of work.

So...I have been looking for a job. And I found one I would be perfect for! There was an opening at one of the vet clinics in our area, for a vet tech. I was so excited and went immediately to apply.

The terms for employment were no experience required, minimum wage, and must love animals. However, I had plenty of experience to offer! I had spent 4 years breeding and raising English Bulldogs. I worked closely with the veterinarians in our area, often assisting in C-sections on my own dogs. I also gave all my own vaccines, know tons about diseases and disorders in small animals and am very familiar with the signs and symptoms of illness in dogs, cats and birds.

I also worked as a nurse for 18 years and am adept in sterile technique, clean technique, and various medical instruments and devices that are also used in a vet clinic.

In short, I was perfect for the job! But one of the questions on the application was "date of birth." I felt a little nervous about it but filled it in knowing that I was very qualified for the job.

I turned in my application and was told they would call me in for an interview soon. After 3 days and no call, I took the initiative and called them to let them know I was still interested in an interview. I asked if they had any questions about my application...and was told again that they would call me soon for an interview.

But that call never came. So I waited 4 more days and when I called them again, they said the position had been filled. I reminded the receptionist that I had been told I would get an interview and she said, "Oh, we're sorry, but we found someone more qualified."

Now this is a small town where everybody knows everybody...and I can tell you for a fact that the girl they hired was not more qualified for the job than me.

But she was younger...much younger...and very pretty. I know the "patients" will appreciate that when the new girl is trying to figure out how far you are supposed to insert the thermometer up their little butts. Or how to give a subcutaneous injection. Or trying to remember what a normal body temp is for a dog, cat, horse, etc.

If I sound angry it's because I am. Sometimes I wonder why they even ask for your age on an employment application. Why not just say plainly , "No one over 35 need apply!" At least then I wouldn't waste my time applying for a job I don't have any chance of getting, no matter how qualified I am.

I am having trouble with this experience. To be judged solely on the basis of my age is simply not fair. I am healthy, energetic, qualified and have a strong work ethic. Plus, I needed that job as much as anyone else!

Oh well, I will go to WalMart tomorrow and apply for a job in the pharmacy. I am well qualified for that position too. We will see what happens there.

To be passed over for gainful employment because I am almost 53 (birthday next month, yikes!) is more than a little discouraging. It actually hurts! But I can tell you this one thing for sure...someone will hire me eventually. And they will get a hard working, honest employee who will do her very best for them!!

Connor's Transplant is Scheduled!

I wanted to give you an update on Connor, my great nephew who is battling leukemia. For those of you who don't know him, Connor is eight years old and was diagnosed in 2008 with leukemia.

Since my last update on him, Connor has had two serious close calls with infections that landed him in the hospital both times. He is currently in remission, but must be very careful as his immune system is quite weak.

Connor will be flying to San Antonio tomorrow where he will receive a bone marrow transplant! The process is a long one: first, there have to be various tests, then his immune system will be completely destroyed and he will be in isolation prior to the transplant.

After the transplant Connor will be in the hospital until he is stable enough to be moved to the Ronald McDonald House next door. He will be checked by his doctors everyday for as long as it takes to make sure his body isn't rejecting the new cells.

This little boy is facing a painful ordeal and lengthy hospital stay. There will be days when he is very sick. But if the transplant is a success, Connor will be cured! He will be able to look forward to his tomorrows without there being this constant pain.

Hang in there Connor! We love you and our thoughts and prayers are with you every moment...keep fighting, brave boy!

Rearranging Furniture...Turning Things Around!

I decided to rearrange my living room today. This meant some heavy lifting. Thank God for my husband who was totally up to the task!

Do you ever just want to turn things around? Well, that is what I wanted to do today. So I moved all the furniture that was at the back of my living room, to the front, and vice versa.

I got rid of an old couch that I hated...seriously, I just tossed it! It was quite heavy, (I will be sore tonight from all the lifting); and hubby and I were out of breath by the time we had it loaded in the back of his truck. We had to take the legs off of this monstrosity to get it out through the front door. And, for the life of me, I can't remember why I wanted it in the first place.

We moved the other pieces of furniture around and this gave a very "open" feel to our living room. I love it! Change is so good sometimes!

My computer/writing room is freshly painted and I have both my laptop and desk top computers in it, along with my printer. Some new curtains, a rug and a few pictures will finish it off nicely. Hubby calls it "NASA Central" and I love it!

Change is often a needful thing. Sometimes we have to turn things around in our lives. Maybe even toss out the things that aren't working for us. And I don't mean just the furniture.

Sometimes a change, however small, can lift our spirits and give us a new outlook on life...and totally turn things around for us!

Oklahoma Tornadoes!

There has been a lot of devastation in our State tonight...Mother Nature tends to have her way with us here in Oklahoma, in the springtime.

Several lives have been lost and many homes destroyed in Central Oklahoma tonight. Literally thousands are without power tonight. But this is nothing new to those of us who live in "Tornado Alley."

I am 52 years old and have lived in Tornado Alley all of my life. My Dad used to tell us about the awful tornado that hit Howe, Oklahoma when we were babies. He was one of the volunteers that helped in the aftermath of that storm and he never forgot the horror of pulling dead bodies out of the destruction.

Naturally, I have a great respect and life long caution of these storms that sweep over our area. At my age, I am on a first name basis with the concept of death...but I don't want to meet my Maker in the vortex of a tornado! Frankly, having my ass blown away in a storm just doesn't excite me at all! Call me crazy, but that simply doesn't appeal to me!

So hubby and I went to the storm cellar that my Dad built for us years ago. We ran from these tornadoes tonight and found a safe haven in the home of my youth.

It was so comforting because my Mom was there, my brother, my cousin and all of their family members, in the storm cellar with us. We laughed and talked as the storm raged outside. We told stories of days long past, while the lanterns' light flickered off the concrete walls. We were safe inside our shelter...no harm could come to us there.

We were spared the devastation that so many in our State have suffered tonight.

Please God, be with those who have lost so much tonight in these terrible storms. And thank you, Lord, for keeping so many of us safe!

Husband Laid Off...No Work...Lots of Activity

My husband has been out of work since the last of January. He works for a construction company and no one has the money to expand or build right now. But that doesn't mean hubby has been sitting idle...no way!

Sam (my husband) has been in a frenzy of activity since he has been off work. Our property has never looked better! And that is great! I love it!

But hubby has decided that we need to utilize every inch of our property in a productive way. So...he has bought laying hens for us to have fresh eggs. He is building a pen for a milk goat, that he intends to buy for us as soon as the pen is completed. (Because someone told us that goat's milk is good for you.) Tomorrow he is going to buy a new tiller and we are putting in more vegetables. My spare bedroom is being converted into a "computer room" for me to do my writing in (awesome)!

And all of this is so wonderful...but I am exhausted! I am rushing, trying to keep up with this man! I say, "Let's pull the travel trailer to the lake and do some fishing", and he says, "You know, we could knock out this wall and make a bigger living room." And I reply, "Sure, hun, we can do that."

And both of us are looking for jobs, which is a dismal prospect because of the severely depressed economy in our area. Hubby has his unemployment benefits and we do okay on that. Because he has worked so hard, we have very little debt, but Sam isn't happy with just drawing a check...he needs to work a job. And I think that is why he is in such a high state of activity.

So this blog is dedicated to the man I have spent 35 years with, the man I love! Thank you, Sam, for working so tirelessly for us all these years. I appreciate you so very much!

But, could we go fishing now...read a book...watch a movie...cuddle?

Oh, what the heck. Give me a kiss and let's knock out that wall! I'm with you, hun!

Gardening and Growing Older

Gardening is something I had little interest in when I was younger. As I've grown older, gardening has become a favorite hobby. For some reason planting things, tending those plants and watching them grow to maturity makes me happy. Why is that, I wonder?

I didn't care anything about growing or tending a garden when I was in my 20's and 30's. Maybe because I was too busy tending to my children and watching them grow. I didn't have much free time back then to indulge in hobbies.

Now that I'm older and have more free time, I find gardening very therapeutic. There is something so "zen" about digging in the earth and making things grow. A lovely calm comes over me when I am working the soil, planting seedlings, pulling weeds or watering my plants. And the rewards of this hobby are quite practical and nice. The vegetables and flowers I grow find their way to our table and nourish us. That nourishment is more than physical...it is almost spiritual. Spiritual, in that, I nurtured and nourished this plant and now it is nourishing me and making my life more beautiful!

I'm not a big time gardener with an acre to till and plow. But I do grow my roses (I have 6 of them) and try to plant a few vegetables each spring. I have done this for the last 9 or 10 years and it has become an important part of my life. I look forward to the coming of spring and planting season each year, pouring over seed catalogs all winter long...LOL! (This will sound all too familiar to those who love gardening.) Then, after caring and tending my plants, I can enjoy my harvest. Fresh tomatoes, sweet corn on the cob, squash, lettuce, cucumbers...yum!

If you haven't tried growing something, give it a whirl. It's more than just a hobby. It's LIFE! You may find that it does wonders for you mentally, physically and spiritually!!

Julie and Julia...Bloggers Dream Come True?

I had wanted to blog or journal or write something good long before the movie "Julie And Julia" came out. Journaling or blogging was something I always meant to do...but just didn't. No excuses, I just put it off for some reason that I'm not sure I understand completely.

Then the movie hit theaters and Julie Powell inspired me to just..do it! I mean, here was an ordinary person who wanted to write and, like me, had written other things...some published (in my case, on the Web), some not published (my romance novel...yikes!), so she took on a project to cook and write about it in a Blog. Simple, right? Yet it transformed her life!

Julia Child was her inspiration and her Blog was a great success. Of course, I do not think my subject or my blog will have that measure of success. But...how much did this movie inspire you to Blog? Have you seen the movie? Did you like it?

I often wonder if blogging increased after the release of this movie. Chances are it did!

Still, like Julie, I wonder if what I have to say is of any interest to anyone right now. I'm not a fancy chef...just a home cook. I make comfort foods and home cooked meals for my family and friends. (Note: I do agree that you can never have too much butter!) But my Blog is about living to be half a century old....does anyone care about that?

Everyone will be where I am someday, in their fifties, trying to figure out what is next in their lives. I want to be relevant, to help someone, to encourage someone, and maybe pass on a bit of wisdom...if I have any to give.

So, how has this movie/book impacted the "blogging world?" Is it a blogging success story that you aspire to?

Me? I loved the movie because it made me act on my long held desire to have a Blog of my own. I don't expect to attain the amount of success Julie did! I just want to write because I love that medium of communication...the unwavering and magical written word!!

Write on, my friends...and speak your heart to the world!

A New Look

I have been playing around with the layout and colors on my blog. I'm not real computer savvy, so it is slow going. But how do you like it so far?

I hope all of you are having a wonderful day... Mine has been peaceful and relaxed. That's always a good thing! Brightest Blessings to you!!

Small Dog....Big Personality.... Gus!

Say hello to the newest member of our family. This is Gus. He is a 4 month old Chihuahua. Doesn't he look sweet?

Actually I really love this little guy but I wonder...can dogs have ADHD? Because I think this one does! Here is how my day went:

Let Gus out this morning to potty and he wouldn't come back inside. Instead we had a game of "I run, You chase me." He is as fast as lightening so of course I couldn't catch him. When I finally ran out of breath and gave up, Gus trotted amiably to the front door and sat waiting patiently to be let inside. I would swear he was grinning!

Next I had to run some errands and was gone for about an hour. When I came through the door Gus greeted me joyously, jumping and barking. Then I saw my living room...from one end to the other it was covered in shredded toilet paper. How he ever got hold of that roll of paper, I will never know. He wasn't satisfied with just unrolling it...it was shredded into tiny pieces. It took a while to pick it all up, during which time Gus sat with head cocked to one side as if to say, "Hey, I worked really hard on that!"

Then I decided to make myself a nice lunch and Gus decided to help me. My kitchen is quite small and the entire time I was fixing my soup and sandwich, Gus was running in circles around me, giving my heels a little nip every so often. I almost stepped on him a couple of times!

Next came the laundry basket. Gus is absolutely fascinated with this household article. I sat my basket of laundry down preparing to put the dirty clothes in the washer, turned to get the detergent, turned back around...and in the middle of the basket...there sat Gus! Honestly, I fear he will get accidentally thrown in the washer someday!

And then there is the fact that this puppy thinks he can fly! That's right, FLY! His most death defying leap so far has been from the back of the love seat...he soared through the air and landed near the bedroom door...a huge distance. But he always seems to land on his feet, just like a cat. I think if I could teach him to flap his over sized ears, he just might get airborne!

I'm getting up now to take my new tennis shoes away from him...he is using them as a chew toy...just munching away with a look of utter contentment on his little face.

Can dogs have ADHD? Should I call the "Dog Whisperer"? I don't know.

What I do know is that I love little Gus...so funny...so sweet and lovable. He keeps me pretty busy but... he is also good for about a hundred smiles a day! Thanks Gus!!

Parenting...A Look Back

These are my children...and I wonder sometimes how they ever survived! Seriously, I was so unprepared and young when I had them that I wasn't much more than a child myself.

I was a person who was hurt as a child. Call it abuse or ignorance or anything you like...I was damaged. And I was totally unprepared for parenthood. Yet my children have been and continue to be my greatest JOY in this life!

If I were able to live a thousand years, nothing would be sweeter to me than the feel of my baby girl and my baby boy laying in my arms. It is a memory so vivid that I can still smell the sweetness of their breath on my face.

But I was a nervous and fussy mother. I was often depressed in those days. I was impatient and unable to cope many days. I fear I was not a very good mother. But oh, how I loved them...my sweet girl and my precious boy! They kept me alive!

I had days when I didn't think I could get out of bed in the morning. But my children needed me...so I got up and did the best I could that day. Children shouldn't have to bear the burden of their parents' damaged childhood. But they so often do...and that isn't fair.

My children kept me going. They gave me a reason to live when I didn't seem to see anything else good in my life. I look back and wish that I could do it all over again...and do a better job as a mother.

I guess everyone looks back and wishes they could do things over...do it better. I think that is a normal human reaction at my age. I have lived fifty two years, and the greatest thing I have ever done is to be a mother to two of the most amazing people I have ever known.

I wasn't a very good mother in theory....but, oh how I loved my girl and my boy! They were never unloved...they were my life...and continue to be at the heart of everything I think and do.

I love you, Lisa. I love you Wes. Your love will go with me into the darkness. Your love will light my way...as it always has.

Do Something!!

Today I have been a bundle of pent up energy. I need to do something! So I mowed the yard and went shopping for groceries. Whoo-hoo. Big deal.

At 52 years of age, I need some excitement in my life. Don't get me wrong...I am SO thankful for all my many blessings and never take them for granted. But I feel so restless!

Is this what people mean when they say "Spring Fever"? I need some adventure!! I may be in my 5th decade but I'm not dead yet!

I went to a tanning salon today and laid in a tanning bed. It was like lying in a coffin...with heat! Is that what hell will be like?

I gave myself a facial and now I have the softest wrinkles of any woman on the North American Continent.

I put my Tae-Bo work out video on and actually got through half of it! I am going to be so sore in the morning.

What should I do now? Maybe I should just go to bed and start again tomorrow. Of course, I will be one day older tomorrow. The wrinkles will still be there. I will still be "over-the-hill".

But, who cares? I'm not brilliant. I'm not young. I'm not beautiful.

But I AM happy....most of the time. And that's a good thing!!

Welcome Springtime!!

Today was beautiful here in southeast Oklahoma! We had blue skies and temperatures in the high 70's...PERFECT! There aren't a lot of perfect things in life, so a day like today should be enjoyed. I took a drive up to my Mom's and all along the way people were outside in their yards, or taking walks, or sitting on the patio, just enjoying the day.

Winter is finally over, it seems, and we had a particularly long one here. The thing about winter that bugs me the most is not the cold temperatures. I can handle the cold by bundling up and staying indoors by the fire. What bugs me the most about winter is the darkness of it. The overcast grey skies and the weakness of the sun can make for some dark days.

Then comes Spring...sunshine...warmth...the Earth coming back to life after her long sleep...everything green again...Hallelujah!! I feel like I have come back to life after a long sleep as well.

Thank you, God, for giving us such a beautiful world to live in. Let's enjoy it all we can.

Welcome Springtime, we greet you with smiles and happy hearts!

Update on Connor

After a close call with septic shock and the loss of all his hair, I am happy to report that Connor is in remission!! Hooray for you, little man!!

Now the task before us is to find a bone marrow donor that is a match for Connor. We are working on doing a community "blood drive" where people will be tested as possible donors. Even if I am not a match for Connor, I might be a match for some other child who is in need!

All it takes is giving a simple blood sample to know if you are a donor match for someone on the list. There are so many children in need of donors and so few willing to go through the momentary discomforts of giving that life saving marrow that the kids so desperately need.

We thank you all for your prayers and good wishes, but now we need your bone marrow...LOL! I'll be one of the first in line to donate. I hope many of you will do the same.

God bless and keep all the children battling Leukemia tonight!

The Grandbabies...Campout!

What fun! A weekend with the grandbabies at Cedar Lake! Hubby and I pulled our travel trailer to this lake near our home and had the grandbabies spend time with us there this weekend. Gwynnie was off on a vacation with her parents (our daughter and her hubby) in south Houston and we missed having her with us, but our sons' children are close by. And we love spending time with all of them.

Most people think of Oklahoma as flat, prairie land that is quite boring. But we live in southeast Oklahoma where there are amazing lakes and mountains. It's beautiful country! Cedar Lake is just 20 miles from our home and is nestled in the Ouachita Mountains near Talimena drive. This photo of hubby and me with the "grands" was taken on Talimena Drive.

So we got set up at our campsite on Friday after laying in a supply of all the favorite foods our grandchildren would require. By friday afternoon at about 4pm we were anxiously awating the arrival of our "babies". Hubby and I were walking a short distance from our campsite when we heard a chorus of voices..."Mamaw, Papaw!" They came running toward us as though they hadn't seen us in years (when, in fact, we had seen them only last week).

I can't express with words how it feels to have someone be that glad to see me! It's so awesome!

We hugged and all of us talked at the same time. It was one of those happy family moments that you enjoy now, and remember later with such sweetness. And the weekend was off to a great start.

I began to feel young and carefree immediatly. My energy level shot through the roof! I played and laughed and forgot everything except the joy of the moment.

Oh my! This grandmother experience is so liberating! When I was a parent, I had to discipline, fret, worry, as well as love and direct my children. It was a wonderful experience but stressful, at times. But with grandchildren, it's so different.

I can spoil them, love them, play with them, and then...send them home to their parents for all the other stuff. How fun is that?!! It's a lot of fun! And I revelled in it this weekend. We played games, went fishing, built a bonfire, roasted weiners, went hiking, watched movies as late as they wanted, ate junk food, and basically broke all the rules. I loved it!

There is a magic that goes along with being a grandparent. It comes from having these lovely young souls believe in us, love us, so completely. I'm always mindful that what I say to them will probably be remembered, so I am careful to speak truth and encouragement to them. But, mostly, I just love them. And I let them know that they are loved without question.

I'm back home with hubby now and we are both totally exhausted. Happy, but exhausted! It's very quiet in our house tonight, but the sound of their laughter still rings in my ears and I feel young....so very young!

Empty nest...Not me!

When our youngest child moved out I was faced with an ugly little thing called "empty nest syndrome." I tried working extra hours at my nursing job, took up a couple of hobbies (I still can't crochet to this day) and basically settled into a state of loneliness and despair that I didn't understand.

During all those years raising my children, my greatest complaint was that I had no free time. I had no time for myself. How I longed, in those days, for a leisurely bubble bath without a little hand knocking on the door and saying "I have to potty and I can't wait." Or maybe an hour when I could read a book without having to break up a fight in the next room. Or maybe sleeping the night thru with no little voices interrupting me with complaints of bad dreams. The mothers reading this will know what I am talking about, I'm sure.

So here I was with all the unfettered, free time in the world...and I was totally lost. I was depressed, lonely and unsure what I should do with myself. My sweet husband was kind and understanding during this time and tried his best to distract me but he had never been the primary caregiver for our kids...so he was a bit baffled by my depression, I think.

Bottom line...I needed something to take care of! So I asked my hubby if we could get a pet. I wanted a puppy. We were traveling because of my husband's work at the time and he made the very sensible argument that a pet might not be a good idea with our present lifestyle. But I didn't want sensible. I wanted something to love and care for. Frankly, I wanted another baby but since a human baby was not possible, I would adopt a puppy instead!

So we contacted a breeder with some unwanted puppies and that is where we found Dickens. Dickens was a Brussels Griffon mix breed puppy that no one wanted. And he was my salvation. What a sweetheart he was! We bonded immediately. It was love at first sight for Dickens and me... and he has been my best buddy and constant companion for 11 years now!

His vision is getting worse, just as mine is, and his joints ache on cold, damp days, just as mine do, but there is nothing more wonderful than the love and devotion of this little dog. He is my baby!

When we adopted Dickens my nest was no longer empty. What a happy day for me! Since Dickens came into our lives, we have added 2 more lovely canine souls (Pippa and Gus) to our family; as well as a cockatiel we call Jodie Bird.

Our home is full of life and love 24 hours a day and the empty nest is a long forgotten thing of the past for me.

Sometimes I still long to hear a little voice calling to me at night. Sometimes I wish for a knock at the bathroom door to interrupt my private time. What once seemed an inconvenience is now a sweet memory.

But my nest isn't empty. I have my babies...even if they are covered with fur and feathers.

Update on Connor

Connor is back home tonight after having his chemotherapy. The doctors say that they will work to get him back into remission. Then they will send him to San Antonio, Texas for a bone marrow transplant. But several things have to happen before he can have the transplant.

First he must be in remission. Second, he will have to check in to the hospital in San Antonio where his bone marrow (and immune system) will be completely destroyed by agressive chemo and radiation. Then the transplant can be done. Connor and his family will then have to live in the Ronald McDonald house near the hospital for a period of several weeks, possibly months. The reason for this is so that the doctors can check Connor everyday. There will be many blood transfusions required, medications to keep his little body from rejecting the new bone marrow will also have to be given and monitored.

And before ANY of this can happen, a bone marrow donor must be found that matches Connor.

Connor continues to be the delightful little boy that he always has been. His mother tells me that his appetite is better this weekend and he is keeping his food down pretty well!

We will be planning fund raisers for Connor and his trip to San Antonio in the near future. We are also looking into a bone marrow screening for possible donors. This works much the same as a blood drive.

Connor's mother asked me to thank everyone for your prayers and good wishes. She was very touched when she read the comments here. Please continue to remember Connor and his family. They are facing a grueling ordeal that is going to be emotionally, physically, and financially draining.

God bless and keep you, Connor!

For Connor

There is an amazing little boy in my life that I'd like to tell you about. His name is Connor, he is eight years old, he is my great-nephew and he is in a battle for his life. You see, Connor is fighting an enemy called Leukemia.

Connor is quite a kid! He loves pirates and anything he finds can be "treasure" to him. (An old piece of jewelry can make him smile.) He loves magic tricks and practices them on all who are close to him. Magic fascinates him. And there is a magic in Connor that you see and feel when you meet him. It's in his eyes. It's in his smile. He also loves to go fishing and rafting (he loves the water) and loves to play his video games.

Connor was just like every other little kid you know...playing, going to school, you know, just being a kid. Then one day in November of 2008, Connor began to complain with some joint pain. He was seen by a doctor for his complaints with the diagnosis being a sprained wrist, then a sprained knee, etc. This went on for a week.

Then the next week his Mom took him to school as usual, but around noon, she got a call. The school requested that she come get Connor immediately. Apparently, he could not stand or put any weight on his legs without being in excruciating pain. He would scream in terrible pain when he tried to walk. That was the beginning of Connor's battle. Within the space of a week, his world was turned upside down. Within 24 hours, he was diagnosed with Leukemia.

Connor was sent to Arkansas Children's Hospital and treatment was begun immediately. And being the "trooper" that he is, Connor responded amazing well to the treatments. He lost his hair, was often violently sick. Many days he couldn't keep anything (food, drink) down. But he fought! And he won! Connor was in remission for over a year once his treatment was done. The doctors were quite hopeful and so were we.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Connor's routine check up revealed something alarming. Cancer cells had invaded his spinal fluid. And Connor's fight has been renewed. The cancer is back.

At Arkansas Children's Hospital, Connor continues his fight. The chemo they are giving him this time is called "Red Devil". It is a medication so toxic to human cells that it must be greatly diluted to enter his little body. And even in it's diluted form, it can cause burns if it comes into direct contact with the skin.

Yet Connor's spirit is unwavering and strong. He smiles, he plays, he fights his enemy tirelessly without complaint-and looks forward to the day when he will not have to go through any of this ever again. His skin is peeling from his body, he is so sick with nausea and vomiting that he can't eat, his body is bloated and swollen from the medications he must take and still he smiles! I am humbled by this little warrior.

When I think of Connor, I feel ashamed of my silly complaints. I have nothing to complain about compared to this little boy. I have lived 52 years and Connor, at 8 years of age, is simply fighting for his next birthday! You are my little hero, Connor...and I am going to fight with you in any way I can.

God bless the doctors and nurses at Arkansas Children's Hospital for your excellent care of our Connor. God bless and strengthen Connor in his fight against this insidious disease. God bless and help Connor's mother (my niece) and grandmother (my sister) as they help him fight his daily battles.

And God help me to remember that there are worse indignities in this life than growing old!

This entry is for Connor....fight on little warrior....our little pirate....our budding magician....

God bless and strengthen Connor.

My Body!

As I said in my last post, I feel too young to be old, but I look too old to be young. Does anyone else have this problem? I suspect you do
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My body seems to have turned traitor on me. I feel like I did in my 20's and 30's but I look older than that. What should I do? Botox? Face lift? Lipo suction? Lord help me!

I was enrolled at a Cosmotology School last year and I have completed 700 hours of my training to become a Cosmotologist. I took time off to go galavanting with my Hubby. (I'm flighty, so sue me!) But before I did, I had an encounter one day, in the ladies room, with a very young, lovely twenty-something girl. And here is how it went....

She was examining herself in the mirror, then looking at me, she said "Oh no, that's a grey hair! (dripping sarcasm). And my hair is getting so thin. And I am getting wrinkles! I can't stand getting old." She gave me a quick glance and went out the door. Well....there wasn't a grey hair on her, she had a head of thick, luxurious brown hair and any wrinkles she saw were simply not there. She was perfect, beautiful.

However...I had grey hair, wrinkles and thinning hair. Hmm....maybe she was talking about me? Obviously she was. But I didn't confront her. She was so young and beautiful and I am old...and any physical beauty I had is now fading. So what could I say?

Still, I felt the sting of that little, petty unkindness. Then I thought about how quickly the years pass. And I know that one day that lovely young lady will be fifty...with grey hair, wrinkles and so many other indiginities that she doesn't yet know about yet.

And I wonder if she will remember the "old" lady who was in school with her. Will she think about what she said to me later on in her life? Probably not. But I wish her well. Maybe no one ever taught her to respect her elders. (Did I just say that? Yikes!)

How do I reconcile how I feel on the inside, with how I look on the outside? My sweet Hubby would agree to pay for cosmetic surgery. I know this for a fact. But why should I go to all that pain and expense when time is absolutely going to take it's toll...no matter what I do.

We have the money for me to have "cosmetic procedures". But I am proud, I admit, of having lived half a century. My wrinkles are a natural result of the life I have lived. They are my history. And I don't feel inclined to change my appearance just to suit someone else.

So I wear my wrinkles with pride. My thinning hair can be combed over in a pleasant style and as for the grey....well only my hair dresser knows for sure. In fact, my hair dresser is probably the only one who knows how much grey I have! Cause, honestly, I don't know!

Ah...well...maybe I am a little vain.

Blogging my Fifties

Hello everyone and welcome! I am on a journey through my 5th decade on this Earth-WOW! Half a century and still going strong. Of course, that is fairly common; people are living longer with a higher quality of life today more than ever before. I read somewhere that pioneer women lived to the ripe old age of 32, if they were lucky. Yikes!

I decided to write about my fifties because of the weirdness. I mean, I'm too young to be old and too old to be young. And that's weird. I haven't felt this confused about my place in the big picture since I was 15 years old. So I decided to keep this journal-of thoughts and activities, travels and temptations, fears and joys-for my own personal therapy.

I invite you all to travel with me on this journey. You are certainly welcome! I intend to write openly and honestly about being 5 decades old. You can expect fun mixed with frustrations and a generous sprinkling of joy, with only a dash of sorrow now and then (please God). And maybe you will see or hear something of yourself and your journey within my own. And maybe, just maybe, we can help each other along the way.